Lesbians, lesbians, lesbians.

Lesbians = Women. Women = best things ever.

I love BEING a lesbian, too. I feel as though I can really appreciate the beauty of women. I mean, I’d find it extremely flattering if a woman ‘checked’ me out. They rarely do. I do most of the checking out. In fact, there was this girl in Tesco’s, wearing her school uniform, with a short mini skirt and she had the best legs I’ve ever seen. (For the record, I’m of a school age too so don’t go thinking I’m an old aged woman perving over young girls.) And I admit, as I was pushing my trolley, she walked past me and I just had to throw my head round and peer over my shoulder for another look. Honestly, I’m not a pervert. I’m just a girl who’s got to struggle in a lesbian free country side village world where two girls having a good shag is frowned upon.

My problem? Being a teenager, I have low self esteem. Obviously I do, it’s what comes with being 15 years old.  And because of a low self esteem, I lack the ability to approach a girl I think is cute and ask her for her number. I mean, let’s face it… the chances are her being interested or even GAY, is as likely as a bird crapping on you out of everywhere to crap. Secondly, I don’t even know if some of the girls I’ve talked to are flirting or just being friendly. Probably the latter. Thirdly, being 15, everybody just thinks you’re going through a phase and teenage kids at school like to poke fun, tease and… you know, put your head down the toilet. Harmless fun… right? I also wanted to shout to the whole world that I’m gay, I’m single and I’d love to meet somebody. I hate the fact I might have talked or saw a girl who’s a lesbian and I never knew. Because in my lifetime, I haven’t met any girl who’s claimed to be a lesbian. I’m starting to wonder if they exist… So in shouting out, I wanted to wear a t-shirt. For fun, a bit of a laugh and a general confidence thing to say I’m different. But oh no, I’m not allowed. My parents said. Why? Something about getting ‘hurt’ or drawing unwanted attention. They don’t get it…. I want that fucking attention!

In the end, I do love being a lesbian. I’m that girl who goes about her life, but takes time to admire the beauty of women, I’m that girl wearing the sunglasses so I can watch without people thinking I’m weird and I’m that girl who’s thinking you’re so cool and beautiful, but hasn’t got the guts to tell you.

I’m just the unknown lesbian.